I know exactly how you feel man; I actually saw your reply hours ago at work and it really hit the nail on the head.xc2xbe dead wrote: ↑Mon Oct 05, 2020 3:44 am
Disturbingly accurate. It's less about feeling inadequate these days than it is feeling hopeless about myself, and worrying I'll never find any potential love interest, or any real and trustworthy friends who aren't total hot messes or outright sociopaths, or just insufferably fussy, uptight snobs outside of meeting people on the Internet, where the odds are slightly better.
Once again, this is in relation to music and the arts in general (especially where "weird/alternative" scenes are concerned). I don't have a lot of real hobbies/passions in life. Very little for me to do or to talk about. If I can't share this one damn thing with somebody, I'm doomed! All I ever wanted was someone else to be my friend and to spoon me at night and share the burden of existence with me and motivate me to go on living through the horrors and banalities of this one-shot, absurd existence in between milking goats, cooking meals and making wobbly synth farts together. Like a fifth-rate version of Coil. Tall order! Especially when you're as fucked up and shitty as everyone else.
Coil, as the kids say is relationship goals, pretty morbid aside by dying in my sleep is croaking goals.
Internet friends are a double edged sword tho, I'm gonna meet a guy I "knew" for 5+ years and I realized we have absolutely nothing in common
And to your other point (on mobile rn), if it weren't for noise I wouldn't have met people who aren't like me at all...not tryna be hokey or nun but a 20-something from South Florida and a 40+ pencil pusher from up North talking about Japanese men yelling is sorta beautiful