Reviews

[FAP]

Gauntlet's Sword - Theosophy (2006):


I could’ve sworn I had heard this one already, but all evidence the contrary… anyways, this obscure CD of Greek black metal is probably known more for its ridiculous cover art than its content.
At some point, curiosity got the better of me and I decided to give it a shot.

While I wouldn’t call Theosophy an objectively ‘good’ album—the riffs are rudimentary, the songs generally feel overlong despite all being under 7 minutes a piece, the timing is occasionally off and the vocals [perhaps fittingly] sometimes sound like duck honks run through a distortion pedal—it’s easily ten times as entertaining as any of the previous three albums I listened to.

Is it fair to compare an inherently energetic-sounding metal album to a naturally more subdued 'jazz' record?
Do I care?
The answer to both these questions is a resounding "nope!"


Keep in mind, I'm still not giving this album glowing praise; there's plenty of head-scratching moments and even tracks you can outright skip (I’m looking at you, “A Smile”).
Overall, however, Theosophy totally delivers on being a predominantly metal album: even if it’s largely mediocre on a technical level, I'd prefer a mediocrity I can bang my head to over vanilla mediocrity.
Gauntlet’s Sword, here’s to you: you strange, racist Greek man.

[FAP]

"The New Blockaders" - Noise War 1 (1988):


Kind of a long story with this one, but in short, it wasn’t actually made by TNB.
Not to be confused with the essential 1993 v/a compilation Noise War (which does not feature TNB), Noise War 1 was recorded by some Japanese dude in the 90’s and passed off as legitimate to make a quick buck on ebay.
This same guy made other counterfeit releases of ‘famous’ noise acts from the 80’s, including names like Nurse With Wound, Kleistwahr, Consumer Electronics, etc. but the TNB counterfeits are arguably the most well-known, as it was none other than TNB themselves who first exposed them as illegitimate in 2008.

I’ve never been particularly fond of TNB: the real TNB, that is.
Their approach to noise is incredibly repetitive, performing the same sound ad nauseam over a typically 10-30+ minute long piece.
The ‘point’ of a typical TNB release, then, is less about the noise itself and more about how that same noise subtly changes/degrades over time: sort of like a prototypical The Disintegration Loops.

That’s the theory, at any rate: in practice, I haven’t been able to sit through any TNB release (or for that matter, any release by The Haters) because they’re inherently pointless.
Why would I intentionally waste my time listening to what is essentially a loop on repeat?
Some prominent noise artists still praise boring junk like Changez Les Blockeurs for its obsessive focus, but I’m clearly not one of them.
I just don’t see why they'd even bother.

This is why I find the humor in Noise War I: here you have an overhyped band known for putting out rudimentary garbage, garbage that nevertheless commands ridiculous aftermarket prices, then this Japanese guy swoops in and steals a piece of the pie by doing the exact same thing they were doing.
He’s still a jerk for conning people out of cold hard cash, but the irony here is too obvious to ignore: sadly, it also seems to be under-appreciated.

What isn't under-appreciated is the actual audio content of Noise War 1: it's just as dull and inane as any legitimate TNB release.
Similar to the conceptual focus of real TNB releases, the value in this fake release is not in the noise itself, but in the impetus for its creation.
I seriously doubt this guy made a fake TNB tape purely for satire (it's obvious what his real goal was), but even if satire wasn't his intent, I think looking at this release as satire is, if nothing else, amusing.

[RUBBISH]

... if nothing else, amusing.

'earcrash'...hahaha

I hope he used the money he made off these scams for something good and fun.

I really enjoy your reviews.

Edit: this track title seems like an emjoi...
"_"
And kinda sums up your review!

[FAP]

I don’t know, am I in the wrong here? TNB and The Haters seem to be held in high regard but I just don’t see what the big deal is. I guess they can be given credit for being the first guys to record 40 minutes of turning a crank over and over again and calling it art, but do noise people really listen to this shit more than once and still think it’s groundbreaking?

[FLORIDA MAN]

I don’t know, am I in the wrong here?

[FAP]

idgi

[NoiseWiki]

I don’t know, am I in the wrong here? TNB and The Haters seem to be held in high regard but I just don’t see what the big deal is. I guess they can be given credit for being the first guys to record 40 minutes of turning a crank over and over again and calling it art, but do noise people really listen to this shit more than once and still think it’s groundbreaking?

Same could said about HNW.. I dunno.. most of the noise I listen to is more dynamic.. although I typically have a noise machine going when I sleep to mask street sounds .. honestly I think that counts.. hnw literally puts me to sleep

[banned]

I thought it was a good review, but TNB are probably groundbreaking. the fact that what they did can't be easily talked about, unlike say cubism or serialism (which I just use as examples of innovative art), is symptomatic of noise, especially, imho, noise without lyrics.

I thought the rip off was fairly convincing but wondered why there was no space in the title.

[RUBBISH]

I don’t know, am I in the wrong here? TNB and The Haters seem to be held in high regard but I just don’t see what the big deal is. I guess they can be given credit for being the first guys to record 40 minutes of turning a crank over and over again and calling it art, but do noise people really listen to this shit more than once and still think it’s groundbreaking?

You are not even close to being in the wrong.


Don't forget the obsessive dedication to obsessive dedication(aka hipster idiot) element to noise that leads to goofs collecting dumb shit because at one time before they were born it was something new and different(and also boring and a tounge in cheek joke).
'air conditioner' noise

Edit: forgot to mention the classic 'brojob' element.


Got this text this morning.
This person probably wouldn't say this in public to a bunch of noise people because somebody would take it personally as an attack against thier lame vapid personality and be offended so I take full responsibility for the below...

Viewed 1118 times

Viewed 1118 times

[banned]

hipster noise is code for not racist, isn't it?